Pain...

I'm stuck.
I'm uninspired and in varying pains.

My neck/left shoulder is starting to bother me more, I pause and think back to the similar experience with pain S had in 2006. I am scared and too far away from the doctor he entrusted his spinal cord with. The effects of the epidural injection in which he gave me in August ( 6 months ago) have warn off completely. I started to feel them wear off slowly over the last few months.

I had been babying that left side from use while I was still dealing craps, then I screwed up my thumb/wrist on the right side with this tendonitis and had to start using the left 100% as I had my right in a variety of splints, wraps and bandages.

Now I am not dealing craps now and gingerly using both sides, while on my light duty assignment of simply counting money, in both paper and poker chip format. But sometimes, like just a while ago, I sat in my recliner reading hubby's manuscript and I felt with both hands, it was difficult and strenuous to even hold 20 pieces of paper in my hands upright.


I had started seeing an acupuncturist, Dr. Emily as she calls herself, twice now, on a weekly basis, and once more tomorrow. The 1st visit I swear i felt different durring and after. I was only being treated for the tendonitis in my right thumb joint at the wrist. I felt a warming tingling all through that thumb and she said it was a good reaction. Something about the energy flow. I do not have a lot of knowledge on the practice of acupuncture, I had referals and recomendations from friends. When I returned for a 2nd appointment she put needles in other places as well as that thumb wrist area. I had initially explained to her of my bulging disk and pinched nerve there-from. So I think the 2nd round, with a few needles in my neck, she hoped to treat that pain also. But the little wooden platform beds you must lay on whilst adorning needles, which have only maybe a 2" flimsy padding on them, was not enough, I got antsy, uncomfortable and squirmed and a needle fell off. It was one of which she had put in the side of my neck. I do not know if there are other laying postures this procedure, but i will ask with great hopes to hear there are. BUT... ever-since the last treatment last wednesday I feel my neck, shoulder and connected pains are worstening. Coincidence? Possibly. I will bring it up with her also on my next visit.

• neck pain worstening
• unconfortable platforms
  

Last night, S's 1st night back from his vegas trip, I could not get to sleep, I could not find a possition for by neck and head to rest in that did not feel like someone was sinching a knot in my neck or stabbing it with a letter opener.

I do not think the holistic ancient chinese medicine is going to help a bulging disk. As much as I had wanted to avoid invasive treatments, narcotic cocktails and possible convolescence I feel it coming inevitable. I now think I want it- Vicodin, and all! Please put me into a drugged pain-free stupor!

Couple all that with how miserable I am here in this sleepy brown city and the cold winter days, I am, to my own dismay, finding my self fall back into that terrible disease they call depression, which started upon me once before, amost one year ago.

I need to go back to Vegas to be operated on, and I need to find a way to stay there as I am afraid of what will come of me if i stay here.